If elephants could fly the world would suffer,

we’d walk around the countryside in fear;

and carry steel umbrellas as a buffer

in case a herd flew by with diarrhea.

I’m very glad that cows don’t ride on street cars,

(they might if they had someplace good to go)

well, maybe for a drink in mix ‘n meat bars?

where Malibu and Milk is all the go).

If waffles made of offal tasted awful

who’d have the guts to eat a Persian pie?

and breeding cats for food – would that be lawful?

a feline fricassee could make you cry.

On Tuesday I played poker with an aardvark,

I went down hard, he had a lucky streak;

and how was I to know he was a card shark?

with aces hid from here into next week!

I knew a gnu in Timbuktu one summer,

but hunting season came around each fall;

quite quiet she was then, but now she's dumber

but makes a lovely trophy on my wall.

If zebras played the pipes, would we be scornful?

with criticizing taunts in all reviews?

I somehow think the tunes would all be mournful

and lead to nightly crying in the zoos.

If man’s best friend is dog then let’s be thankful,

don’t skimp with what you buy for them to eat;

buy top-shelf food and rich cream by the tankful

coz dogs outshine most people you will meet.

It’s tragic how we eat such friendly critters,

I think of fillet steaks and feel my shame;

and almost choke on veal and chicken fritters,

but animals eat others, so I’m game.

more of my FUNNY POEMS here