Your English is a horrid thing to learn,

it leaves us foreign scholars in a mess,

anomalies - enough to make one burn,

like: when you use a "c" you say an "s"

unless, of course, it's in a word like cat,

and then you say it like it is a "k"

the text books say there's nothing wrong with that,

but why the hell does "h" start with an "a"???

Another funny thing is letter "u"

it makes a mockery of many rules,

coz English plays a merry trick or two,

too many get it wrong to call them fools.

A tutor teaches English, that is all,

a tooter is someone who plays the flute,

but pewter simply hangs there on the wall,

its neutral colors thought by all as beaut.

Some learners see their spelling marks so poor,

so stick with their own language all their lives,

too poor to score with spelling flaws like war,

or words like flour, flower, czar and knives.

Be glad you learned your English spelling young,

and feel remorse that's real of course for them

that try to learn our tongue but all goes bung,

how can we spell a silly word like phlegm?

I try to buy a vowel but die inside,

a sigh escapes my hide and flies to sky,

I burn my "Guide to English" that I'd eyed

when first I had decided to comply.

Why is your language such a parody?

to turn a guy like me into a clown,

it's weak, not chic and all sounds Greek to me,

forget it - I'll just stay in Chinatown!

 more of my FUNNY POEMS here