Through planets and space I did roam,

the asteroid belt I did comb,

a universe ranger

a celestial stranger

and never once did I phone home!

I met a young maiden from venus

who tried to "phone home" through my penis

she spoke in my groin

then inserted a coin!

Debacle? Man, you should have seen us!

A society chick, feeling sporty,

the fellow was way over forty,

after several bars

she was way over Mars

cos he gave her a huge astronauty!

Uranus and Pluto are far

I tried to drive there in my car

without any luck

doesn't gravity suck!

I never got up off the tar!

A Martian came down from the sky

with the glimmer of love in his eye

I went to the wedding

even though I was dreading

he married a coke machine - why?

A girl graduated from Vasser

so pretty the staff had to pass her

nobody had seen

she was bonking the dean

who procured her a plum job at NASA!

A spacecraft once crashed in a gully

my dad's reputation did sully

all evidence stuffed

and his story rebuffed

by those two wankers Mulder and Scully!

Seventy Vulcans in saucers

flew down onto several race courses

after winning a race

disappeared without trace

the stewards had called the armed forces!

A small greenish fellow from Clapham

told stories, and no-one could cap 'em

"Bollocks" they'd say

but his gun had a ray

and he'd aim at the knockers - and zap 'em!

"Tours of the Sun" sounded neat

but they hadn't gave thought to the heat

as the space ship got closer

a Washington grocer

just melted - they made a retreat!

Orion (if that's how it's spelt)

in the sauna was starting to melt

she felt she would vomit,

so swallowed a comet

and tightened her asteroid belt!

With women I do some great tricks

with the help of my seventeen dicks

if you ask me "how come?"

I will show you my bum

branded "made on the planet Chalwyx"

A Venusan was smoking some grass

some punk rockers gave him some sass

I know it's absurd

but he gave them the bird

then disappeared up his own ass!

A monster began a weird pattern

ate planets and started to fatten

tried Jupiter first

and luckily, burst

before he ate Neptune and Saturn!

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