My cat brought home an M-16 last week

and went out on safari, hunting mouse,

I heard a hundred shots and then an Eeeek!

then found the bullet holes around the house.

He made a vow to get the neighbor's hound

and baited up a bear trap with some mince,

at midnight came a chilling, howling sound,

nobody's seen that poor old hound dog since.

Each day I have to go and fetch my mail,

the postman meets me at a secret place,

the mention of my cat will turn him pale

and highlight all the scratches on his face.

I bought a pet canary at the store,

the cat went into sub-atomic rage,

the fallout full of feathers on the floor

and jagged, broken pieces of the cage.

I live here all alone, it's rather sad,

I've often wished that I could find a wife,

the last girl I brought home was hurt so bad -

who ever knew a cat could throw a knife?

I'm destined to be lonely, and that's that,

no wife or kids or dogs or other pet,

they tell me I should neutralize my cat,

but just last week he killed his seventh vet!