I saw her at the singles club and thought I'd try my luck,

So asked her what she'd care to drink, she said a fluffy duck,

We danced, romanced, then midnight tolled, she said she had to go,

I pushed the point to walk her home, but she insisted no.

Next Saturday we met again, she seemed like she was keen,

At dinner I felt like a King, and she looked like a Queen;

I harbored thoughts of breakfast, waking to her face at dawn,

The clock struck twelve, and there I was, frustrated and alone.

I asked her of this curfew and she spoke of family ties,

Well naturally I took it as a plethora of lies;

But when I picked her up at home I took a peek within:

Two sisters sprawled upon the couch, as ugly as a sin.

I pleaded and I begged and she accepted what I said,

Agreed to come to my place and inspect my double bed,

With bated breath I led her in, ashamed of all the mess,

She kissed me with a passion and then started to undress.

Her gown dropped down upon the floor, I hung it on a peg,

I turned to see her taking off a clever wooden leg;

And then she asked me shyly if I'd help remove her bra,

She put the silicone inside so gently in a jar.

Her false eyelashes fell upon her nails of plastic red,

The botox lips then smiled at me as she lay on the bed;

I felt like I should say something but couldn't find the quip,

Was busy staring at the scar from her replacement hip.

Her glass eye stared out mournfully upon my bedside stand,

The wig she pulled off wasn't quite the strip that I'd had planned,

I looked in her remaining eye and saw the smile beneath,

And then she asked me for a glass so she could soak her teeth.

What's left then lay upon the bed and slyly winked at me,

I realized the remainder was as real as it could be,

I wanted her, and had her, now we share enraptured hearts,

My midnight Cinderella - or as I say: "Queen of Parts!"

more of my FUNNY POEMS here