I don’t believe in Santa Claus - he’s fiction

The Easter Bunny never did exist

A lucky star is purely contradiction

A Prince is not a frog who has been kissed.

No bridge has ever had a bad troll under

Some Princess never slept for thirty years

No ogres ever ripped a town asunder

At Halloween no wicked witch appears.

The Yeti isn’t big or real or hairy

Strange UFOs have never came to Earth

The garden hasn’t elf or nymph or fairy

A Phoenix never rises in rebirth.

If Peter Pan existed he was stupid

I reckon he was just a teenage punk

And don’t you try and tell me there’s a Cupid

It’s only love-starved fools believe that junk.

I’ve never seen a ghost - there’s no hereafter,

You can’t tell me the Bogeyman is real

Those tales of magic carpets bring me laughter

No vampire ever made a neck a meal.

There’s no such thing as pixies - they’re all phony

The monster in the wardrobe is a fake

Your birthday wish is nonsense - pure baloney

They’re simply stupid candles on a cake.

I’ve never once believed in myth or magic

I will not credit something till I’m shown

My marriage (there were three) all ended tragic

And now I live reality alone.

Your happiness is all hallucination

It’s just a silly fairy tale you feel

Without a grain of proof or confirmation

I wonder why you think that love is real.