I've lived my life a leper, people walk away from me,

to hide their sad embarrassment, pretending not to see

this glitch in my development, a huge deformity

has put my penis on my head, 'tis such a tragedy!

Oh yes, I am a dickhead, and a silly one at that,

I dare not go outside unless I wear a dunce's hat,

my God - why aren't I nine feet tall, or huge, grotesque and fat?

not me, I have this dick up there like some huge baseball bat!

I hear their childish sniggers, and pretend that I don't care,

then someone pats me on the head, it really isn't fair,

they do it for a laugh, coz all my genitals are there,

arousal means that my hat rises two feet in the air!

It's horrible to have a penis growing from your head,

I visited a specialist, and this is what he said:

"Take three of these libido pills each night to make it dead"

(coz if I have a sexy dream, I'm levered out of bed!)

Yeah, go ahead and laugh, it's not a tragedy for you,

you never pee by shoving half your head inside the loo!

I get so down at times, I really don't know what to do,

I had a bright idea once, and my darn penis grew!

With misplaced genitalia, no wonder I'm forlorn,

and sometimes I'm frustrated so, I wish I wasn't born,

I cannot read a Playboy and don't even mention porn -

cause heaven help my ceiling every time I get a horn!

You said you like me, though it's true I'm not like other guys,

but please stop staring at my head and look me in the eyes,

I'll fall in love headfirst with you, my penthouse is your prize,

your luck's in with this dickhead, come and stay in my high-rise!

 more of my FUNNY POEMS here