I bought a new Ferrari and I took it to the track,

I wanted to impress a lady friend,

Unknowingly, her seat belt was all tangled up in back,

she fell out on the south-east sweeping bend.

Last week I tried a restaurant called Sushi Barrajab,

the Diners Club had starred it with a five,

I asked them for well done, but when they brought my chilli crab

I sent it back, the damn thing was alive!

My high-tech plasma TV screen was put in late last week,

the definition brings you to your knees,

I should have paid the extra for the special "English" tweak,

my TV shows are all in Japanese!

My Doberman was randy so I told him he could mate,

arranged a special night down at the zoo,

but in the dark, mistakenly I opened up a gate -

it seems that panthers need some loving too!

I tried to break the record in a helium balloon,

and left to fly around the world at dawn,

I should have filed a flight plan, coz they shot me down at noon,

I landed heavy on the White House lawn!

I paid ten million dollars for a ticket into space,

a trip that I had dreamed of since a lad,

the traffic jam was horrid as I headed for the base,

too late - they left me on the launching pad!

My penthouse caught on fire and I heard the sirens wail,

I didn't run away despite the heat,

I threw my Swedish furniture across the safety rail,

and killed a dozen people in the street.

I left the prison yesterday on "specialized" parole,

The media are watching me like hawks,

they can't believe I only spent a few days in the hole,

but what else can I tell you? Money Talks!

More of my FUNNY POEMS HERE