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  Funny Halloween limericks by Graeme King - original funny limericks all about Halloween, witches and trick or treat. ©kingpoetry2007.


My funny limericks for Halloween that are funny all-year-round.

Wanda the witch, on her broom

swept through the town yelling "ZOOM!"

through a perchance of luck

never heard the big truck

and she zoomed on her broom to her doom


A witch and a warlock had sex
she went to the doc for some checks
the doc said "Oh dear,
it is herpes, I fear"
and she mixed up a hell of a hex!


"Gentlemen please, all be seated,
I don't want this to be repeated,
I've gathered you here
to announce, with a tear:
I've never once been trick or treated!"


A Halloween bash in my street

was a night that will never repeat

the spirits that come

were tequila and rum

and I ended up drunk on my feet!


 A werewolf was skinny, a freak

with a huge gummy grin he did speak

so, never eat French

coz, as well as the stench

your teeth will fall out in a week!


It must have been midnight or more

yet there was a knock on my door

now, it's far too darn late

to play trick or treat, mate

but a cute blonde stood there - dial-a-whore.


I'm sorry, I know it's my fault

my Halloween sins I should halt

but the neighbours' kids here

pissed me off for a year

so I laced all their candy with salt!


Dracula wailed to the sky

"My job really sucks" was his cry

"bloody paychecks

and I'm so sick of necks

what I'd like is a nice apple pie!"


An Egyptian prince was a dummy

drank too much, became a rummy

when the grim reaper came

and called out his name

he cried and he wailed for his Mummy!


Yesterday I met a priest

he was sitting enjoying a feast

when I questioned his conscience

he said "stuff and nonsense"

and gave me the sign of the beast


folks who hate folks make me grin

they're such lovely people within

we don't need walpurgis

the truth it should urge us

we're all skeletons, covered with skin


Tricking and treating's a prank

but somebody really should thank

the Gods for the candy

to dentists it's dandy

they laugh all the way to the bank!




Original pictures by Graeme King ©Kingpoetry2007  BACK to TOP

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