This bloke goes out bear hunting, he thought it would be
fun,
He bought a hunting jacket, and a bloody huge bear gun,
He read up books on hunting, bought hunting boots to wear,
He jumped into his four-wheel-drive and went to hunt some bear.
He headed north, to forestry, where giant trees abound,
Where mountains, rocks and rivers, and giant bears are found;
He set up camp deep in the woods, with chipmunks, birds and bugs,
He crawled into his pup tent, and dreamed about bear rugs.
He started out at daybreak, and crept into the wood,
He travelled lightly, made no sound, as all good hunters should;
By midday he was certain that he wouldn't find a bear,
Then he stepped into a clearing, and a little cub stood there.
It was young and brown and furry, with the cutest eyes as well,
The hunter thought about it, and then said "What the hell!"
He'd come to shoot a bear, and a bear was what he'd found,
He fired, and the little cub fell dead upon the ground.
The hunter was quite happy, with trophy number one,
And he stood atop the bear cub with his bloody huge bear gun;
Then something tapped his shoulder, and he felt his rising hair,
He spun around and looked up at a bloody huge brown bear.
"That was my cub you shot, my man" said the bear in a growly voice,
"You now must pay a penalty, but at least you have a choice:
I can kill you here and now with a bear paw front lobotomy-
Or I get to have my way with you - an hour of brown bear sodomy!"
There was no choice - not really - he didn't want to die!
So he dropped his pants and sent a silent prayer up to the sky;
As he bent over a fallen tree the brown bear gave a smirk,
Then chuckled as with brown bear vim he began his grizzly work.
He was three months in a hospital, half the time delirious,
With countless operations (the injuries were serious);
And finally they let him out, he left the ward behind,
And headed for the forest - revenge was on his mind.
He found the brown bear drinking at an icy mountain stream,
He raised his gun and sighted, and his eyes took on a gleam,
And he fired - the brown bear dropped like stone - the air somehow felt
colder,
And then he realised something else was tapping on his shoulder.
He spun around to greet a twelve-foot tall black grizzly bear,
The hunter dropped the gun, the bear said "What have you done there?
You've killed my closest friend, he was a pal, a chum, a mate,
You know the choices, hunter, so quickly choose your fate."
The hunter dropped his pants again - there really was no choice!
He bent over a fallen tree, and said in a squeaky voice:
"Please can you be gentle, you're far too big for me!"
The big black grizzly chuckled, and waded in with glee.
Three months in intensive care, then three months in a bed,
"A Modern Medic Miracle" that's what the doctors said;
Then finally he stood outside and made a sacred vow:
"That grizzly bear will pay, I want revenge, and want it now!"
Back in the woods, an old hand now, he tracked his grizzly prey,
Northwards into frozen lands he tracked day after day;
Till finally he saw the grizzly bear inside a clearing,
He shot him - dropped him - stone cold dead - the hunter started
cheering.
A tapping on his shoulder made him stop and gasp for
air,
He spun around to face a fifteen feet tall polar bear,
"Oh, not again!" he cried and heard the smiling bear's retort:
"Mate, something tells me you don't come out hunting for the sport!"
more of my
FUNNY POEMS here
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