They tell me I'm insane because a virus hit my brain

and they are trying hard to gain some understanding,

No matter how I try they are convinced that it's a lie

that it all started with the flying saucer landing.

Some diagnostic doctor said I'd benefit from shock

but when they plugged me in the socket started smoking,

a dozen roasted plugs and then they made the switch to drugs

to rid my brain of all the bugs, I said: "You're joking!"

My windows all have bars and inmates call me "Man from Mars"

and men in suits with big cigars make it all hazy,

I beg you not to fear, just lend a sympathetic ear

then you will see that I'm not queer or sick or crazy.

I still recall the night I took my interstellar flight

out on the highway with my lights on high and cruising,

I came upon a scene: a Chevy pick-up, colored green

my first impression was some teens were out here boozing.

But no-one was around and then I noticed lack of sound

I looked for tracks upon the ground but none were coming,

the pick-up truck was bare no sign of people anywhere

then from the silent desert air I heard a humming.

I had to rub my eye as quickly streaking through the sky

was something shaped just like a pie and it was spinning,

from up a hundred feet it shot a beam, I felt the heat

and though I tried hard to compete the beam was winning.

I woke inside the craft and then I saw this thing and laughed

but when it drooled at me I barfed upon the tiling,

I must have passed out then as I woke nude inside a pen

and then the thing showed up again and it was smiling.

It gave me funny food, but I was naked, feeling rude

and so it fetched a piece of crudely-fashioned robing,

I felt a metal clench - a robot arm gave me a wrench

and then it threw me on a bench and started probing.

I don't remember much, I felt a strange metallic touch

as I surrendered to the clutches of the creature,

for what it may be worth I had a dream about re-birth

and then I woke up back on Earth - a Martian preacher.

From Mars I have been sent and I would urge you to repent

there soon will be a great event, so don't you get it?

they're coming back, you see, and they have left it up to me

if you will only set me free you won't regret it.

I see you turning green, you think my nudity obscene?

you won't be smiling up on Venus in their quarry,

now please unlock the door as they'll be here today at four

yes they are coming back for more, and you'll be sorry!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here