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Ferrets are such fun - I brought one home the other
day,
his name was Bruce, the bloke had said to line his
box with hay,
a daily meal of mince meat and a lettuce leaf at
night,
he guaranteed he'd be a pet and never, ever bite.
The wife was rather dubious, she vowed she'd call
him Rat,
I told her Bruce was Bruce - and now we didn't need
a cat,
poor Tiddles tried to muscle in on Bruce's bowl of
mince,
a flash of teeth - a feline shriek - we haven't
seen her since!
I built a little castle from a doll house I had
found,
with turrets and a drawbridge and a painted moat
around,
"King Bruce the Goose" I called him, as we settled
into life,
he tried his best, but never won affection from the
wife.
Still, me and Bruce were happy and the days went
swimmingly,
until the night the Vicar and his wife came round
for tea,
I locked Bruce in the closet as I heard the
doorbell ring,
they wouldn't understand a little ferret called
Bruce King.
The meal was quite a treat and then the wife served
chocolate mousse,
but then my ankle felt some feet - my God! It must
be Bruce!
He'd learned a little trick or two: to sit up
straight and beg,
and how to scamper on my shoe and up my trouser
leg!
The Vicar's wife was on about her recipes for
sauce,
His Reverence sat nodding, he was half asleep, of
course,
I knew that Bruce was up my leg, but didn't worry
none,
I would have - had I realized my zipper was undone!
I stood up to refresh the drinks, his wife let out
a scream,
she stared at me - I stood there pouring Bailey's
Irish Cream,
then dropped my eyes down to my crotch - and nearly
fell down dead,
protruding from my open fly was Bruce's smiling
head!
I care not for the crystal glasses shattered on the
floor,
or how the Vicar and his wife ran out and slammed
the door,
but Bruce looked up at me, a ferret twinkle in his
eye,
as if to ask the question: "What the dickens...no
goodbye?"
I'm excommunicated now, I've joined a Buddhist
cult,
divorced and single, what a diabolical result,
we should have had that dinner over at the Vicar's
manse,
coz churches don't have ferrets poking out of
people's pants!!!
More of my
FUNNY POEMS
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