It was midnight in the kitchen and the place was out of hand,

Baking Dish and Rice had started up a reggae band;

Everyone applauded as the spotlight hit the sink –

Frying Pan was swaying – under influence of drink.

Mayonnaise looked round the crowd – My God!  They ALL were high!

Milk Jug wobbled on the fridge as Toaster staggered by,

Cups and Forks and Prunes were on the cook-top making merry,

On the floor an empty cask of high-grade cooking sherry.

Swinging from a light globe, Tongs let out a Tarzan scream,

And dove right into Baking Dish, quite full of rum and cream;

Wooden spoon spread Salsa and they formed a limbo loop,

As Kitchen Tongs used poor old Egg Ring for a hula hoop.

Microwave flashed on his lights, zapped up to the gills,

Ice Cube Tray was feeling ill, strung out on Junket Pills;

Can of Peas yelled “Look at me!” and went into a spin,

And knocked Mint Sauce and Butter into Kitchen Tidy Bin.

Pandemonium as Coffee Grinder gave a whine,

Electric Wok and Skillet started up a conga line,

As drunken vegetables sashayed, old Crockpot thought it rude

That Sugar should be shickered and Tinned Apples should be stewed.

Waffle gave a speech but there was no way they could hear,

Egg Slice won the title, voted “Spatula of the Year”

Percolator bubbled and Rice Cereal went pop,

Every-one was happy, no-one wanted it to stop.

Pissed appliances were laughing like a pack of fools,

As Pasta passed a Basil reefer round the cooking tools;

In the corner, two delinquent Eggbeaters and Spam

Giggled to themselves and smoked a joint of Marjoram.

Sex was on the menu as a teenage Pasta Maker

Corkscrewed in a cupboard with an over-sexed Bread Baker;

Twas madness, mirth and mayhem, Potato’s eyes were all alight

He’d smoked a Basil reefer and was flying like a kite.

Tea Bag flirted shamelessly, till Baked Beans cut the Cheese,

Then Flour went to pieces and made everybody sneeze,

Paper Towel was wasted, he had soaked up every spill,

And tried to start a craps game with the help of Fat-free Grill.

A whistle from the Kettle made the Oven Timer buzz,

Now they were in trouble: Look out guys, here comes the Fuzz!

Footsteps in the hallway, Kitchen Kaos now the song,

As everybody tried to get back where they should belong.

Too late! Deadly quiet, just Alarm Clock going tick…

Sandwich Maker held his breath and tried not to be sick;

Little Johnny came in, eyes shut tight, went to the sink,

Fumbled for a tumbler, found the faucet, had a drink.

Now they were alone again “Hooray” thought Melon Jam,

But over in the corner were the Eggbeaters and Spam,

They’d found a flask of brandy and some sun-dried frangipani,

Rolled it up and took a toke and screamed out “HOOTENANNY!”

more of my FUNNY POEMS here