It was midnight in the kitchen and the
place was out of hand,
Baking Dish and
Rice had started up a reggae band;
as the spotlight hit the sink –
Frying Pan was
swaying – under influence of drink.
round the crowd – My God! They ALL
Milk Jug wobbled on
the fridge as Toaster staggered by,
Cups and Forks and
Prunes were on the cook-top making merry,
On the floor an
empty cask of high-grade cooking sherry.
Swinging from a
light globe, Tongs let out a Tarzan scream,
And dove right into
Baking Dish, quite full of rum and cream;
Wooden spoon spread
Salsa and they formed a limbo loop,
As Kitchen Tongs
used poor old Egg Ring for a hula hoop.
on his lights, zapped up to the gills,
Ice Cube Tray was
feeling ill, strung out on Junket Pills;
Can of Peas yelled
“Look at me!” and went into a spin,
And knocked Mint
Sauce and Butter into Kitchen Tidy Bin.
Coffee Grinder gave a whine,
Electric Wok and
Skillet started up a conga line,
vegetables sashayed, old Crockpot thought it rude
That Sugar should
be shickered and Tinned Apples should be stewed.
Waffle gave a
speech but there was no way they could hear,
Egg Slice won the
title, voted “Spatula of the Year”
and Rice Cereal went pop,
happy, no-one wanted it to stop.
were laughing like a pack of fools,
As Pasta passed a
Basil reefer round the cooking tools;
In the corner, two
delinquent Eggbeaters and Spam
themselves and smoked a joint of Marjoram.
Sex was on the menu
as a teenage Pasta Maker
Corkscrewed in a
cupboard with an over-sexed Bread Baker;
Twas madness, mirth
and mayhem, Potato’s eyes were all alight
He’d smoked a Basil
reefer and was flying like a kite.
Tea Bag flirted
shamelessly, till Baked Beans cut the Cheese,
Then Flour went to
pieces and made everybody sneeze,
Paper Towel was
wasted, he had soaked up every spill,
And tried to start
a craps game with the help of Fat-free Grill.
A whistle from the
Kettle made the Oven Timer buzz,
Now they were in
trouble: Look out guys, here comes the Fuzz!
Footsteps in the
hallway, Kitchen Kaos now the song,
As everybody tried
to get back where they should belong.
Too late! Deadly
quiet, just Alarm Clock going tick…
Sandwich Maker held
his breath and tried not to be sick;
Little Johnny came
in, eyes shut tight, went to the sink,
Fumbled for a
tumbler, found the faucet, had a drink.
Now they were alone
again “Hooray” thought Melon Jam,
But over in the
corner were the Eggbeaters and Spam,
They’d found a
flask of brandy and some sun-dried frangipani,
Rolled it up and
took a toke and screamed out “HOOTENANNY!”
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FUNNY POEMS here