I kidded through the interview and told some little lies

to match the whoppers on my application,

the suckers bought it all, and next day to my great surprise

I ran a Network Television Station!

I called a meeting of the board and sacked them one by one,

they howled and threatened legal prosecution,

I brought our team of lawyers in, they backed what I had done,

quite fair - according to the constitution.

I grabbed my corporate credit card and headed for the street

to satisfy my one unfilled ambition,

the latest, greatest TV set, that measures fifteen feet -

the best of hi-tech plasma definition.

It went into my office, and a smile was on my face,

the speakers were so loud and sweet I kissed 'em,

with eighty dolby channels, treble tweak and cyber bass

you couldn't buy a better-sounding system.

I gave a dedication speech - a lump was in my throat,

the station staff looked on in admiration,

with trembling hands I pushed the button on the gold remote

and felt the airwaves humming with vibration.

And then the picture leapt out from the giant TV screen

it looked just like a scene a Master painted,

the reds were blood, the yellows gold, I can't describe the green,

I looked around - four office girls had fainted!

I cashed up every cent I could from stocks that I could squeeze,

and served the worried banks a panacea,

investing all in every TV maker overseas,

we wound up owning half of South Korea!

I lobbied men in Congress and they changed the customs rules,

a boom was here and we were on the summit,

because we owned the factories we ran the pricing pools,

I made the price of giant TV's plummet.

Soon every modern household had a giant TV set,

the country full of digital king-sizers.

we very quickly repaid all our corporation debt,

so then, I did away with advertisers!

We didn't run commercials, so our programs highly polled,

the public had been brainwashed to frustration,

the only thing we did, was as the ending credits rolled

was run a little clip on conservation.

Unfortunately, Governments insist on butting in,

they wanted us to run some propaganda,

I took their stinking videos and burned them in the bin

and ran, instead, a film to save the Panda.

I had a midnight visit - from our friendly CIA,

revoking all our licenses - a pity,

they locked me in a secret cell, I'm sitting there today,

that's why your TV programs are so shitty!!!

More of my FUNNY POEMS HERE