She figured "It's just for one night,

he's rich and I'm feeling all right"

despite all his money

the guy was quite funny

he swung like an ape from the light!

Two good ole boys, drinkin' a treat

Invited a fight in the street

The first punch they throwed

Saw them down on the road

The next think they felt was some feet!

A sailor was lonely at sea

He cried “How I wish I was free!

I just need a date”

And then the third mate

Said coyly “Well, what about me?”

A foursome was golfing one day

But on the fourth hole the fairway

Was peppered with holes

The curator said “Moles”

The ladies cried: “Prick! We won’t play!”

Five nuns were playing croquet

In the park on a bright sunny day

A gang of young men

Came upon them and then

“Thank the lord” they said “Girls, let us pray!”

Magicians know all of the tricks

But Merlin had thrown in a fix

He’d work up a spell

With some magic from hell

His number, you see: 666!

A Priest, at the doorstep of Heaven

Said: “You know my name – Father Kevin”

St. Peter said: “Fine,

Just get in the line,

Number two two five three one four seven!”

A pirate was out on a date

He got amorous, she said “Wait…

I like you, sweet honey,

But I also like money,

So let’s see your pieces of eight!”

A German girl, feeling quite fine,

Because of some bottles of wine

When taken to bed

By a football team, said:

“I told you before guys, just nine!”

A mate of mine, "Marryin' Ben"

Was marrying some girl again

When told "It won't last"

He cried "That's the past,

I've a feeling about number Ten!"

I went to the hospital doc

Said “My thing is as hard as a rock”

I pulled down my pants

He took a quick glance

Operation: Eleven o’clock!

I said to the judge: “This is crap!

I shouldn’t be taking this rap

twelve bucks for a steak

was too much to take

so I blew the food joint off the map!”

I felt me a need for some lovin’

so joined me a neat witches’ coven

I was number thirteen

and new, young and clean

My God! So much pushin’ and shovin’”

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