I think that I must be insane

I've just fallen out of a plane

from way up in the sky

and I know I shall die

the next trip, I'm taking the train!

A man with insurance to gain

took his wife (quite exceedingly plain)

on a trip o'er the chasm

where she felt quite a spasm

as he threw her fat bulk from the train!

A pilot who worked for Air Lingis

played a game using all of his fingers

*Adults Only* I stress

coz it was a hostess

and the shame of his sacking still lingers.

 The night was all moonlit and starry

I cruised the road in my ferrari

an Indian dude

gave the finger, how rude...

so I laughed at his ugly wife's sari!

Rolls Royces are lovely, I say

I got a new one yesterday

my lover's so rich

(tho he calls me his bitch)

I'm ever so glad that I'm gay!

I once knew a driving instructor

his pupil, a sweet train conductor

she made a mistake

as she stood on the brake

as a penalty, gaily, he made her try again...

I picked up this cabin crew chick

things got quite hot really quick

I patted her bum

mile-high club, here I come...

but instead I was very airsick!

At a bar this guy got pretty rowdy

and started to hassle a Saudi

I raced in, discreet,

threw the guy in the street

and the Arab bloke gave me an audi!

Volkswagens really are neat

you see lots of them on the street

but I really believe

if you want to conceive

other cars have a better back seat!

A young punk in a plane had no fear

coz his brain was all fuzzied by beer

the pilot did frown

"Bloody wheels won't go down"

so the punk was used for landing gear!

I stood on the windy train station

looking around in frustration

no loo could I see

this a problem for me

with the opposite of constipation!

Seven miles high in a plane,

the passengers thought they felt rain

it was only my Dad

who was really, quite mad

thought he was a fountain again!

The king of the rally boys, me

I have lots of trophies, come see

that brunette, that blonde,

(of them all I am fond)

I pick them up so easily!

A hooker cruised by in a ford

I thought to myself "I am bored"

so I got her to stop

and she showed me her shop

a hand job all I could afford!

I went out, intending to score

I was young, and I had something more

it was big, it was white

could drive women all night

yep, a nice new hardtop 4X4!

 I knew that my boss was a heel

when I captured a really big deal

a new car...surprise!

I stood rubbing my eyes

he'd bought me a goggomobile!

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