My eyes are all red and forlorn

I wish that I’d never been born

I paid extra, see

to cable TV

and stay up all night watching porn!

The Simpsons are on once again

a product of Matt Groenig’s pen

I see Homer guzzle

but can’t solve the puzzle

after 20 years why is Bart ten!

I love watching sport, I’m a guy

the weekends they go quickly by

I’m as fat as a horse

my wife wants divorce

I still haven’t figured out why!

My TV set gave out some smoke

I instantly knew it was broke

my plan of attack:

I’ll rip off the back

and put out the fire with some Coke!

My neighbor was sitting, in tears

I think he’d had too many beers

the scene wasn’t funny –

I saw a dead bunny

he’d tried to use real rabbit ears!

That Springer’s the talk show host king

his guests will say most anything

it’s taped every night

there’s always a fight

his studio’s really a ring!

I got on to “Let’s Make a Deal”

and picked all the cases with zeal

I won lots of dough

then found, to my woe

the money you win isn’t real!

McGuiver’s not much of a hunk

yet women will call him a spunk

the silly old geek

escapes every week

with stuff that he makes out of junk!

I never watch channel eighteen

their programs are wholesome and clean

I prefer channel eight

their sitcoms are great

and late nights they get quite obscene!

My set is the latest HD

which means very little to me

it’s modern and cool

but I’m such a fool

I can’t even spell LCD!

I watch sixteen hours a day

my skin is now pallid and grey

I never see sun

or meet anyone

but Doctor Phil says I’m okay!

I’ve racked up a huge pile of debts

but this is as good as it gets

they all laugh at me

but I love TV

each room in my house has three sets!

The cable TV contract came

I happily signed with my name

now I get TV

that my neighbor gets free

the programs are mostly the same!

The show was the worst that I’ve seen

four actors all talking obscene

they stripped to the buff

and I’d had enough

so I threw a brick through the screen!

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