Last week I joined a local church, to save myself from sin,

the welcome Mass they gave was rather odd,

I never knew communion wine was vermouth laced with gin –

no wonder Priests devote their lives to God!

The wafers were potato chips, with guacamole dip,

perhaps I should have done some more research,

the organist played reggae songs and when the choir let rip

it looked more like a rock show than a church!

The sermon was a rant against the Vatican and Pope,

I found it blasphemous, and softly moaned,

the candles that they lit up smelled an awful lot like dope,

and then I saw that everyone was stoned!

The organist went crazy, playing Iron Maiden hits,

as choir boys danced a samba down the aisle,

four nuns jumped on the altar and showed everyone their tits,

I saw an Abbot lick his lips and smile.

A Friar and a Sister danced quite lewdly on the stairs,

she’d lost her top and shook her lusty lungs,

he pushed her to her knees but I don’t think to say her prayers –

I’m sure that’s not how people speak in tongues!

The nuns threw off their habits and they danced on in the buff,

the Priest asked all his flock to join the fun,

soon everyone was naked, and the Mass was getting rough,

the time had come for me to cut and run.

I made it out, ignoring couples on the pews and floor,

you don’t see moves like that in discothèques,

and as I left I saw the sign I hadn’t seen before:

“The Khama Sutra Citadel of Sex!”

more of my FUNNY POEMS here