Morrises and me go back a long ways,

Blimey, say it loud and lift your spirits:

“Morris” – British engineering marvel,

Bleedin’ Japanese give me the irrits!

Got meself a Cooper ‘S’ at twenty,

Late nights at the drive-in, slap and tickle;

Popped the question in an Austin Lancer,

Left me at the altar, Lawd, that’s fickle!

Then I found me lovely at the football,

Spurs beat Man United- she was ‘appy;

Three years down the track I ‘ad a missus,

Moggy, and two lads who called me Pappy.

So the 1800 for the family,

Mazdas everywhere – a Jap invasion!

I said “East-west, B.M.C. and British,”

Bought a Morris Major – stuff your Asian!

Coulda filched me way into a Roller,

Too scared of the Bill to do the dealings;

Had to fake the vapours wif the Guv’nor,

Didn’t wanna ‘urt the Gaffer’s feelings.

Classic cars? Go captain at me Minor!

Daft ole ‘er indoors thought I was barmy;

Someone told me Churchill used the ashtray,

‘Eadin’ to the coast to gee the army.

Cost me fifty nicker – quite the bargain,

Cash in fivers did the trick, a teaser;

Knew ‘e’d dive at readies like a goalie,

Stitched ‘im up – it serves ‘im right, the geezer!

One day she’ll be worth a quid, I reckon,

Arthur (‘e’s me china) thinks it’s sinful:

“Should be in a bleedin’ ‘all of ‘istory!”

(Always rabbits when ‘e’s ‘ad a skinful.)

Now I wave just like ole Phil the Greek does,

In me Morris, purring like a kitten;

Don’t you beef at me, you ‘onda drivers,

I’ve said all along: “Buy Best Buy Britain!”