Tried to play guitar, and bought a Fender,

Chucked some old sheet music in the blender,

Pasted up the pieces willy-nilly,

When I played it, people said: “How silly!”

Then, the violin – I studied Mozart,

High notes pierced the ears as would a blow-dart,

Every time I practiced there was knocking,

Neighbors telling me it sounded shocking.

Next a silver sitar, books on fretwork,

Joined a curry cult and karma network,

Trying to fit in, I played Vivaldi,

Took a bow – the guru guy blackballed me.

Then my Mother told me I was balmy,

Selling all my stuff to join the army,

Signed up for the band – they made me drummer,

Drummed me out in two days – what a bummer!

Tried so hard to learn some orchestration,

Played the piccolo out of frustration,

When the maestro’s baton came toward me,

Silence from my mouth – he overawed me!

Timpani perhaps, I tried percussion,

Saw the strings and brass in deep discussion,

Then the tuba player told me gaily:

“All the lads say try a ukulele!”

Harp and clarinet and even oboe,

Roaming music stores I felt a hobo,

Tried piano, harpsichord and spinnet,

Nothing worked, my heart was never in it.

Practiced hard to be a virtuoso,

Sadly, my flute sucked, my horn was so-so,

Couldn’t play harmonica or fiddle,

Surely there was something! What a riddle!

Now I’m a professional musician,

Knew that I could make it – intuition!

Found one instrument I couldn’t mangle,

Yep, I found my calling – it’s triangle!

 more of my FUNNY POEMS here