My name is Neville Nerdfinch - I'm your pilot for today,

I got my license on the internet;

I started on a Cessna but I had the means to pay,

and graduated for this Jumbo Jet!

So welcome, everybody, this is London Flight One-Nine,

we're flying straight to England, no fuel stops,

apparently we'll make it, but we cut it rather fine,

we'll be okay, unless that tail wind stops!

On trans-Atlantic flights we must prepare in case we ditch,

your vest is underneath the seat, I'm told,

the thing is, now it's winter and the ocean is a bitch,

if you survive the crash you'll die of cold!

I thought you'd like to know a few small details of our plane,

especially if you haven't flown before,

the engines are Korean and the landing gear's from Spain,

the fuselage saw action in the war!

The cockpit's really space-age, as a jet plane cockpit should,

all dials and lights and radar screens to view,

it really was a bargain, straight from downtown Hollywood,

they built it for the set of Star Trek Two!

I must remind you not to smoke, and keep your seat belt tight,

you never know what turbulence we'll meet,

we had to sell a few things to buy avgas for our flight,

at least you have a belt, if not the seat!

We haven't any hostesses, they all went out on strike,

but snacks are in the galley, out the back,

as soon as we have leveled out, grab anything you like,

and brew me up a coffee, strong and black!

I'm sorry for the freezing air, I hope you rugged up well,

it isn't any better in first-class,

the fuselage we got so cheap turned out to be a shell,

the windows didn't come with any glass!

So, thank you all for flying Nerdfinch Air, please fly again,

that's right, I own the company, I do,

relax, and if you're nervous on your first flight through the air,

I know the feeling - this is my first too!

More of my FUNNY POEMS HERE

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