Listen to me and I’ll sing you a song,

The words have a meaning or two,

Sit right down cos it won’t take long,

They might have a meaning for YOU.

It’s a pornographic song, the words are all unclean,

It’s the foulest @#$*! song that you have ever seen,

The verses are preposterous, the chorus is obscene,

Listen really closely, and you’ll see what I mean.

I walked into the lounge bar, the bouncer through me out,

He said I couldn’t enter with my @#$*! hanging out,

So I went to the toilet, to write upon the walls,

The boss came in and caught me, and kicked me in the @#$*!

I got onto a Sheila, I thought she was a beaut,

I took her to the drive-in, to try and get a @#$*!,

I took some KFC, and a bottle of cold duck,

But she said “Leave the food for now, let’s just have a @#$*!”

I went to the races, to give the nags a spin,

I picked a dead-set certainty, the @#$*! had to win!

But my horse came in last, as though his legs were numb,

I grabbed the jockey by the throat and kicked him up the @#$*!

My mates went to the circus, so I went for the ride,

The human cannonball was on, so we went straight inside,

I thought I’d be a hero, volunteered to light the wick,

But I forgot my glasses and I tried to light his @#$*!

I went to the Gold Coast, to have a holiday,

I tried to @#$*! a meter maid, but she told me no way,

So I stopped into the Beer Garden, to drink with all the suckers

Who thought the band were talented, what a bunch of @#$*!

I hope you’re open-minded, ‘cos words are sometimes blunt,

And if you are offended, and think I am a @#$*!

Just shut your eyes and count to ten, it’s YOUR brain that is bung,

This song is not a rhyming song, and @#$*! means TONGUE!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here