Rasputin was a Rottweiller with coat as black as sin,

his snarling lips would drip saliva slowly down his chin,

as he patrolled the wrecking yard each night with sentry's care,

the sign upon the gate said: "Vicious Guard Dog Here - Beware!"

Yes, everyone had heard of him, a legend in the town,

a hundred more Rasputins and the crime rate would be down!

yet no-one knew his secret, as he walked the wire at night:

Rasputin was a pussy- and would never, ever bite!

The people saw a great big, vicious Rottweiller, of course,

so black and brown and BIG! My God - as huge as half a horse!

They saw the eyes as dark as death, and never looked beneath,

so no-one guessed this brutal fiend could have such tender teeth.

It started as a puppy, he was raised on milk and bread,

his owner got it wrong and should have fed him bones instead,

although his teeth grew huge and white, they didn't turn out tough,

but no-one knew so no-one ever called Rasputin's bluff.

And then one humid August night two out-of-towners came,

from way across the county - hadn't heard Rasputin's fame,

they only had one talent - basic blatant burglary,

and when they saw the wrecking yard, they rubbed their hands with glee.

The night was black as pitch - the Summer air was still and dense,

A careful climb and leap and they were there inside the fence,

a hundred auto radios would be a lovely haul,

"twas then they saw two spots of light beside the shadowed wall.

They peered into the darkness at this funny freak of light,

and then they heard the breathing, and they knew that wasn't right...

Eduardo felt his hands begin to shake, he turned to Karl,

was just about to whisper something - then they heard the snarl.

A guard dog wasn't something new - they'd come prepared for that,

Eduardo nodded silently, and lifted up his hat,

"Well here's a little present, boy," he said in fawning tone,

then gave a smug, complacent grin, and threw the dog a bone.

A camera could describe the scene much funnier than I:

this pair of would-be burglars and their mad attempt to fly,

they ran and jumped to clear the fence, but should have sprouted wings,

and dangled from the barbed wire like two puppets on their strings.

That's where the workers found them, in the early morning fog,

entangled in the wire just above a smiling dog,

the picture in the paper showed his teeth just like a shark,

yes, biting's not compulsory - if one knows how to bark!

More of my FUNNY POEMS