Poor Sailor Sam was moping in the galley,

so Cookie fetched a nice hot cup of tea,

then Sam said: "It's my girl back home, my Nellie,

I do believe she's playing round on me!"

The cook replied: "It's hard out on the briny,

the lonely nights can cause your mind to roam,

and salt air sometimes shrinks your brain so tiny -

why, I've seen men dive in and swim for home!"

Sam nodded "I thought mail would make things better,

and there were three the last port we were in,

I saved them, didn't read a single letter,

as wasting words from Nell would be a sin.

"Then last night I surrendered to temptation,

and opened up this first one in my bunk,

was reading words of love and sweet sensation,

of kisses, hugs, and all that loving stuff."

"So why then" asked the cook "do you feel sickly?

It sounds to me she loves her sailing man;"

"The first time through" said Sam "I read too quickly -

I didn't see the start: My Dearest Dan!"

"Now settle down," said Cookie, "that one's easy,

I feel it's just a simple slip of pen,

so don't you take offense and turn it sleazy,

true love might never come your way again!"

The sailor looked quite thoughtful as he reckoned.

Perhaps the cook was right - a fair mistake?

He reached into his pocket for the second,

"Well, what of this? It starts: My Loving Jake!"

"So maybe she was writing to her cousin?"

"Well, could be so, I guess" the sailor said,

"It's true she has relations by the dozen,

but why then would she miss him so in bed?"

Then Sam took out the third "This is the worst one,

she talks about a future full of bliss,

yet funny, like the second, and the first one,

this letter has a typo: Darling Chris!"

So, pouring rum from his refrigerator,

the cookie put the bottle down "That's rude!

I haven't read my mail - I'll see you later,

you keep the bloody bottle, Sam - you're screwed!"

more of my FUNNY POEMS here