Professor Beaker pushed the lever - winked at his assistant:

"You hold him, Igor, till his arms go pink;

those gloves I gave you - put them on - they're microwave-resistant,

now hang on while I power up the link!"

He flicked some switches, turned some dials and gauges started humming,

the thing upon the bench began to heat,

"Now hold on tight!" yelled Beaker, "I will start the essence coming,"

he pushed a button: "Concentrated Meat."

He filled a steaming test tube then he took a hypodermic,

"Let's get this in and turn the juice to high!"

They did it and then slowly watched the creature turning thermic

"My God," said Igor, "Watch it or he'll fry!"

"I think he's done," the Prof declared, "now let go of his shoulder,

be careful of his skin, it's still a mess;

some shrinking will occur when he has stiffened, gotten colder,

My Boy - I think we have a huge success!"

Yes, there upon the bench they had a human-looking creature,

exactly like the blueprint diagram;

a robot automaton - with one very special feature:

Its body was entirely made of Spam!

The Man of Meat began to stir, and thirty seconds later:

"Hello" he croaked, his voice was dry and hoarse,

so Beaker ran and rummaged in the lab refrigerator,

"He needs a drink of olive oil, of course!"

And soon the thing was on its feet, and practicing its walking,

incredibly, it looked quite live and real;

then later came the joy to hear their man-made robot talking,

although the only word it knew was "veal".

"Professor," questioned Igor, "did you have a special reason

to make a robot purely out of steak?"

"Why, yes" replied his boss, "it's coming into Winter season,

and there's a little trip we have to take.

"We're heading for Nepal upon a secret expedition,

we'll climb to Everest, camp there in the Alps,

I've built this special Sherpa to fulfill a great ambition:

A promise to my friend, Professor Phelps.

"Poor Phelps and I went there to find the answers to the Yeti,

but lost our way one dark and snowbound night,

our camp was gone and all we had was one can of spaghetti,

but Phelps refused to take a single bite!

"Yes, I survived the mountain, though I thought I was a goner,

and since he died I've never lost my grief,

We'll head back up that mountain and avenge my colleague's honor,

our food will trek beside - the Man of Beef!

"We'll never have to worry if we're caught up in a blizzard,

and never need to thirst for liquid, too,

a seven-liter water keg is sewn inside his gizzard,

our super-special-walking Barbeque!"

And so, they started plans to make the search for fame and glory,

"The Spambot Expedition" couldn't fail,

just what befell them in Nepal? Well, that's another story -

You'd better come back here and read the tale!

Go to Beaker Files #2