"Now pay attention, class!" (My God, I really need a
"History is serious, though you think it's a joke,
You have to hear about the past" (I wish I'd hear the bell)
(This must be Satan's Special School and they're the Class from Hell.)
"Jason Fergus, Oh my God! Helena's NOT your wife!
Peter, please put out that fire, Gail, put down that knife!
History's important, could you listen, all of you?"
(There's not a single one of them can even spell I.Q.)
"Charlene Hawkins, drop that lipstick! Don't call me a traitor!"
(Was it really make-up or a very small vibrator?)
"Ted, stop drawing on the wall, Tom, drop that smoke at once!"
(I'll give Fred N for Nitwit and I'll give Tom D for Dunce.)
"Nathan Parsons, concentrate! You guys have to study!
How can you learn History whilst chanting in the nuddy?"
(Jesus Christ, I think I'll faint) "Tom Wishart - Put Munro down!
It's a bloody History class!" (It's more a bikie hoedown.)
"Who knows the first P.M?" (The girls will think of P.M.S.)
"Come on! Terry Martin - Can't you even make a guess?
It WASN'T Ozzie Osbourne, NO! It WASN'T Johnny Rotten!"
(I must have been here far too long, cos even I've forgotten.)
"Cheryl, come away from John, and keep your hands above
The desk where I can see them - No! You two are NOT in Love!
Tara, turn that ipod off, you know they're not allowed,"
(I'd get down on my knees and beg, but I'm too bloody proud.)
"Ian Symonds - Give me that! It really can't be fun
To have Paul Pottner lick your shoes whist you've that great big gun,
I'm going to ask a question" (Shit, is that a monstrous joint?)
"Barry, whose your dealer? Now, you know it's rude to point!"
"The last exam was woeful, almost all of you were wrong,
Jean, what are you sucking?" (Thank the Lord, it's just a bong)
"You'd better read some text books, before it's far to late,"
(As if one of this motley crew could ever graduate.)
"It's almost home time, boys and girls" (I sound just like a preacher)
"Clean your desks, clean up the room - Who said 'Stuff the teacher?'
Have a lovely afternoon, I hope you've learnt some stuff"
(I should give them some homework - bugger that - I've had enough!)
"Well, goodnight class, put on your clothes! I hope you all sleep
(Half of them will get arrested sometime in the night,
I'll go home to my Prozak and my scotch to drown my sorrow,
And launder my flak jacket - cos school's on again tomorrow!)
More of my