Settle down! (chill...is that what I should say?)

Pistols at dawn is SO passé...

You think I damaged your honor?  Your HONOR???

*NEWS FLASH* You have no (insert expletive) honor!

Don’t FORCE me to use this pen...

I am obliged by law to inform you

that I hold a black belt in Calligraphy

(you cannot ride unless you are taller than my hand)

I tried to give you hints, oh Chosen One.

Remember: “Play with the porcupines

and you’ll get your cherry popped”

(or was it a red balloon?) It was good, anyway.

...soon you will understand what I meant.

When you are voted from office. No entitlements.

Try and sell your old desk with the graffiti scratched on it,

but even Lifeline won’t come and take it away.

Should you ever have a next time...

(and please, don’t freaking quote me on this)

Sit down, give polite applause, and don’t heckle;

and for Jesus Christ’s sake – LISTEN!

more of my FAMILY POEMS HERE