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  Batty - a funny vampire poem by Australian poet Graeme King - funny poems, sad poems, serious poems and romantic poems. Poems for children, nature poems and environment poems, flash poetry, fantasy poems, funny limericks and more ©kingpoetry2008.

I guess I could have called this "The Overweight Vampire Poem"

Vladimir the vampire said to Bugaboo the bat:

“Both of us, I’ve noticed, have been getting rather fat;

Exercise won’t do us harm at all, in any case,

Tell you what – a challenge – you and me – a flying race!"


Bugaboo yawned loudly as he opened bloodshot eyes,

“Can’t agree our problem is a lack of exercise;

All our victims nowadays are new-age yuppies, right?

Full of greasy, modern food, that’s why your pants are tight!”


Vladimir was pensive, then he nodded to his mate,

“Yes, you’re right, our prey of late have all been overweight!

Takeaways and TV meals begin to take their toll,

Everyone is brimming with too much cholesterol!”


“Sadly” said the bat “The population’s grown immense,

Kids are waddling on the street in clothes that once were tents!

No-one seems to care about the mass obesity,

Alphabets are now defunct, except for KFC!”


“Parents care not for the way their sons are growing stout,

Girls, instead of growing up, seem to be growing out!

Everybody eats too much, seems nobody refrains,

Teenage blood? Why, just the thought hits me with chesty pains!”


“Should we stick to fashion models, shaped as though a twig?”

“Blood is hard to find in them, and drug-count’s always big!”

“How about the Chinese? Mostly skinny, tasting nice,”

“Every time I bite one I get cravings for fried rice!”


“I believe” the vampire said “The answer’s not so vague,

We should both insist our victims all know Jenny Craig;”

“Good one” wheezed the porky bat “for now though, what the heck…

Talking always makes me hungry, let’s go find a neck!”


Original pictures by Graeme King ©Kingpoetry2008  BACK to TOP

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