Dear Uncle Ed, we thank you for the blender,

although we'd asked for money gifts instead,

our letter came back marked: "Return to Sender"

(to tell the truth we thought you must be dead!)

Oh, Auntie Gwen - the teaspoons are delightful,

I'll think of you each time I make the tea,

you had your assets frozen? dear, how frightful!

that's what you get for being cold, you see?

Sweet Uncle Noel, your gift of sheets - a blessing!

I guess your poor old pockets are too deep?

cause cash as presents would have stopped our guessing

at where the bloody hell we're going to sleep!

Old Auntie Rose, you read the invitation!

our only gift of currency, how kind!

I don't think that you twigged our situation,

as coins were not the cash I had in mind!

Our kinfolk, thanks for zipping tight your purses,

though toasters, placemats, kettles are sublime,

I hope you close your ears to all our curses,

as we think stinginess a bloody crime!

My groom just hugged me like a big gorilla!

he ran inside and let out quite a screech,

apparently, we're off to buy a villa

that overlooks the sea at Sussex Beach!

Please disregard the contents of this letter,

he's been to the antique shop on the Strand,

I'm laughing now and feeling rather better,

those ancient coins are worth a hundred grand!!!

 More of my FUNNY POEMS here