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Dear Uncle Ed, we
thank you for the blender,
although we'd asked
for money gifts instead,
our letter came
back marked: "Return to Sender"
(to tell the truth
we thought you must be dead!)
Oh, Auntie Gwen -
the teaspoons are delightful,
I'll think of you
each time I make the tea,
you had your assets
frozen? dear, how frightful!
that's what you get
for being cold, you see?
Sweet Uncle Noel,
your gift of sheets - a blessing!
I guess your poor
old pockets are too deep?
cause cash as
presents would have stopped our guessing
at where the bloody
hell we're going to sleep!
Old Auntie Rose,
you read the invitation!
our only gift of
currency, how kind!
I don't think that
you twigged our situation,
as coins were not
the cash I had in mind!
Our kinfolk, thanks
for zipping tight your purses,
though toasters,
placemats, kettles are sublime,
I hope you close
your ears to all our curses,
as we think
stinginess a bloody crime!
My groom just
hugged me like a big gorilla!
he ran inside and
let out quite a screech,
apparently, we're
off to buy a villa
that overlooks the
sea at Sussex Beach!
Please disregard
the contents of this letter,
he's been to the
antique shop on the Strand,
I'm laughing now
and feeling rather better,
those ancient coins
are worth a hundred grand!!!
More of my
FUNNY POEMS
here
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